I am my OWN

When you say left, I will insist on right. When you say it's black, I will insist it's white. And when you say I'm in the wrong! I am Wrong. So, I go ahead with making mistakes... I am my own.

I always control well with my temple and anger... BUT since yesterday and today... I've been totally lost my temple; shouted at two of my patients~ I'm really freaking out! I am tooooooooooooooooooooooo tired, LORD. I NEED a rest~ Things seem to be tougher and overwhelming!!!!! Emotional, moody, freak out, argggggh!!!!!! Just too much! Lord, I need you to guide me and lead me!!!! I need your strength to be able to control my emotional this dayyy~

A new patient, Patient A asked to change her IDC bag, went in and done it! She shouted and scolded me! "Don't you know what are going to do! You don't know anything! Get out NOW! I want this to be done and that to be done bla bla bla..............". I am full of questions mark over my head! "WHAT??!! My anger burns up: I've done everything you said and NOW! what else do you need to be done! sorry~ I need to go now!"

Another patient!!! so much to say about her!!!!! arggghh.... TOTALLY SPEECHLESSSSSSSSSSS

REST REST REST REST REST REST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BUT....... things that's hurting and made me so freaking out days ago.... Has out of my mind! Don't mind anymore~ Let it go, let it be, and be myself! :) YES!

I am MY OWN~

Weak and Strong

Lord, I don't know why You allow things to happen sometimes. I don't understand and don't know what to do... But I know God have something special and better for me, I just need to accept them, trusting Him and follow His ways, guiding, leading, and etc... God always cares and loves- He is the most understandable best friend of mine. I know although I am weak, but I am very strong under His cares and wings. It is indeed hurting so much but I knew I got to be strong and have faith in Him alone. YES LORD! No matter what will happen next or later, I will continue to praise You, to give thanks, to love, to obeys, and to follow Him...

God is the only one I can rely and depend on- without Him into my life, I am dead long ago... whatever I do or does- May all the glory be to God. Even in this time of sadness, pain, and disappointment- I have God in my life, I have Him to rely and depend on, He is always there to comfort me, strengthen me, and walk with me...

I really want to thank God!!!! Some of you might think I have gone crazy by the storm of life; why do I still thanking God and praising him for allowing this to happen. THE ANSWER is; Without the trials, I will never know or experience or truly understand how much He loves me, cares for me, and how much I mean to Him... Honestly, without this storm of life, I will never be drawn near to God nor I will be able to experience His mighty work, mighty hands, and mighty power in me...

I want to PRAISE HIM and Give THANKS to HIM everyday!!!!!! All glory be to God....

What a HOT and SUNNY day!!!! Dying~ hmmm :( Can I have winter back??? With this extremely hot and sunny day, made me turned moody~ God!!! Help me to overcome and to control my temple, my anger, and my lost controlness... Hate myself sometimes~especially during this summer weather... When things didn't done or work properly, I quite easily lost my control and anger arise...

One more assignment to go....then~FREE! Well, not really... there is still so much thing to catch up and to be done I suppose! Working working working, studying studying studying, planning planning planning (secret), and bla bla bla.... oh ya~ and of course my quiet time with God alone! Yes!

Have you ever asked God 'How my future would like? Where will You lead me to? Will I successfully completing my degree? Will I... Will I.......etc'. I've to admit! This are the questions I've been questioning lately! One thing I realized that I focused/emphasized too much on my own' will instead of God's will. We human being never satisfy with what we've got now! We always wanting more, better, greater, gooder (don't know if such word exist), higher, and etc..... Instead of questioning how my future would be, I should ask God 'what area is He going to use me in the future-in bringing glory to His Holy name'.

I live! Not for myself alone but for God! For I am not my own! The Father in Heaven, The Son, and The Holy Spirit is in control... Many times I failed to realized that-God is in control over my life and He cares. Sometimes, I just don't get it! I don't know why- I did pray for certain request, I did ask God, but He doesn't seems to answer me... Is He listening? Is He cares??? THE BIGGEST YESSSS! He did! I knew He did! I just don't understood....why He sometimes don't grant what I asked for and instead He allow things to happen. Why??? Isn't He is God of mercy, love, caring, and etc...? STOP!!!!!!

I SHOULD STOPPPP! Instead of wondering and questioning to myself, I should STOP and LISTEN to what He is going to tell me! and what He wants me to be or to do! Until the time I realized God's control over my life of storms- I felt His presence surrounding me, and He is near me, walking by my side, holding me, catch me from falling, and wipes my tears~ this has proved His love is unfailing and truth! He will never leave me nor forsakes me. After awhile I realized this; why shouldn't I experience heart-break? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ! =) Most of the time I collapse at the first grip of pain. I sit down at the door of God's purpose and enter a slow death through self-pity myself. AND all the so-called Christian sympathy of others helps me to my deathbed. But God will NOT! He will surely NOT! He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, as if to say, "Enter into fellowship with ME; ARISE my precious daughter,Emilly and SHINE light to the world..." If God can accomplish His purposes in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking mines?

This is the day THE LORD HATH MADE....

I have to admit that- "I am NOT A PRO 'PHOTOGRAPHER' "

Finally........the day is here~ Jie's and Kevin's wonderful day. God has brought both of you together to be united in His love with faith in God above. Today two hearts, two lives, will begin as one and unity. They will say their vows, and say I DO :) Both jie and Kevin will seal it with a kiss, and their life together has begun, forever bound, forever true, and together through this journey of love, both of them will cherish, comfort, and trust each other ;) They both are special and precious to God. May God's blessing shine on them abundantly...

I really really really really happy for her and Kevin. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!! I nearly cry seriously (over-joyed) when I saw her walked down in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies...aww~ She changed her name today~ Siew Wai CHEN or Mrs. CHEN.
I really felt so so so so so so so so so so...very sorry to you for I can't go for the wedding dinner...

I cried! Logan, you are an amazing person. I pray that you are blessed richly and continue in your faith. Be as mighty as a pillar Logan. Your message, simple as it was, was more powerful to me any any sermon that I have heard for a while. Your love is so serious and true and pure that it has a strength that will last you a life-time. Keep your faith Logan, we need Christians like you. Not only for the unbeliever but for the believers as well. How awesome! As I sit here crying, this makes me feel so much more Faith, Love and realization that there is still hope. A young child who can just so naturally show his adoration for God makes you feel that innocence again. We should ALL try to think as this little boy does and the world would be a better place. God Bless you Logan.

I have finally finished one of my assignment. Have been very very very very busy from the past few week- Catching up with my assignments, studies, working, and etc.... BUT, God is great! Even though it has been quite a tough week, God never turn His eyes away from me. He knew what I am going through and He knows. So many lessons I've learned from all this... First; as lots of my NH's patients has gone and left only few- I thought it will be easy and free for now... but it didn't! I praise the Lord... because of His amazing work and trials. Honestly, my workload was increased and never been so easy as I thought. But God Himself chose to provide me with all the strength I would ever need to endure and make it through to the other side- God wants me to rely and depend on Him instead of my own strength. I have to admit that I am weak sometimes, but I knew; in my weakness, I have God's power to endure, move forward, and triumph. INSTEAD of taking away my storm or problem everyday, God blessed me with His grace to get through it. How amazing He is! Whenever I am weak and suffering and in need, God's power is there... If everything went so well in us, I believe all of us don't feel the power or strength of God and we will even turn our eyes away from Him. It takes our weakness to become aware of our need for His strength and it is our weakness that shows His strength in us. Therefore, whenever I am weak, I feel that I am strong and mighty and powerful because God's strength is revealed to me.

Second; As I've mentioned before, I have been catching up with my assignment. ok... Assignment. One of my assignment suppose to due on Monday (the 12th@4pm) and I haven't even finish all the reading all the articles on Friday, last week. When I realized this, I was so panic and anxious. HOW??? HOW am I going to finish this! I need more time... and it was also too late for extension. Well, on Sunday night, I e-mailed my tutor regarding my extension of the assignment. I was over anxious and panic as it was 4am in the morning Monday, I haven't got the e-mail from my tutor. I was so scared... At 10am- I received an replied e-mail from her and says; I can't grant you extension as I am not allow to, only the Topic Co is in charge. So, I have to get another reply from the topic co. Finally I've got a replied from Topic co and she approved my last min extension request. THANK GOD!!!!! After that, I just realized that I have a presentation tomorrow (Tuesday) at 0900hrs which I totally forgot and haven't even start a word yet. HOW? Should I do the presentation first? or what??? I working on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. How am I going to manage this? BUT.... BEFORE I even ask God, He knew what I want and He searched my heart... I've got an e-mail from Uni saying that; tomorrow presentation will be cancelled due to my tutor was on sick leave. OMG~ How could it be? God... You're great! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! He is in control~ Lord, again I surrender myself to YOU. Have control over me... No matter how big the storms are, You love and power will there to strengthen me! Amen. All the glories be to JESUS!

Piano is always my 'Anti-anxiety' medicine. Really stress with my assignments!!!!! Arg~~~

Woke up at 2:30am early in the morning due to my terrible cough- annoyed me... couldn't sleep after that and working at 7am which mean I've to get up at 0500hr. Really tired~~~ My headache killing me throughout the shift- dealing with some tough and troublesome patients today which caused my headache even worst! I lost my patience and moody. But I felt relieved after one of my favorite patient came to me and says; I always love to see you and I wish you were here everyday. <---that brought tears to my eyes... I hugged her and she hold me so tightly to herself. Thank You, Jesus. I knew it was You, who sent her to me in my needs of strength and comfort. When I am weak, God is giving me the strength to go on... When I am down, He give me the courage to stand up again. When I am in need, He will surely sent someone or Himself to me. When I am sad or disappointed, He is there with me and comfort me.... Heavenly Father, there is none like You. Your love for me is bigger than anyone... Even though I might lose everything one dayy, but I knew Your love for me will never gone. Love You Jesus.... Still I need Your strength and courage everyday...

Back to work again after the retreat (6 days off from work)! Have been so sick since last night.... running nose, sneezing, sore throat, coughing, muscle ache, ?fever, shivering, and tiring. In workplace today, erm... should I say good??? or bad??? Well... both I guess.

Bad- I am so sick that I still have to go to work today! Having some tough time during the shift... Well, to cut the whole story short, I felt so inadequate, and in my time of weakness I so wanted to give up. I was totally stunned when 'she'(patient's daughter) yelled at me on the phone... No one has ever yelled on me before...not even my parents does.... I was stunned, speechless....

Good- But God impressed upon me the importance of my faithfulness through His word. So, I depended on and drew upon His grace. He enabled me to follow through and stay faithful during those tough time today... There are so many other duties and responsibilities I have; the challenge of caring for my residents. Whether they are ill or very ill or sick or dying, I get up every day and face them (through the God's strength). They're right in front of me; administering medications, assessments, documentations, wound dressing, and etc... Sometimes when I think of my shift tomorrow I screech, 'haiz...' because there is always work to be done there. Do you think dealing with the daily duties at workplace- taking care of the patients requires God's grace? I personally think "YES!" It's His assignment for me and it has its rewards, but it is tiring and sometimes discouraging and seemingly impossible. Praise God... His grace comes to the rescue when I am dead tired, pressed for time, and disheartened by troubles... Really thank God, His strength enables me to stay, to remain, to endure, to work, to assist others, to see all things through to the end... Thank You Lord. Thank You Jesus!!!!

How I wish I could share more here... but~ really feeling so discomfort~ omg... nose bleed.

Happy birthday my dearly Lau Sie Cow... hehe~ I hope you love this very video from me...